good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
