he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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