ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
how drunk are you?
Several
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
