It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I hope mine doesn't look like that
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
