Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize