my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
