He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
