he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
