No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
