she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
this is an emotional support booty call
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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