i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Is it because I queefed?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
