Swine flu. Run for my life!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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