WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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