You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
