I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
