I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
