Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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