I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
whose ass print is on the piano?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize