There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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