I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
