i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
