Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
