It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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