i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
