I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
