so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
