Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
