i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
