I'm eating all of the evidence.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
