If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize