he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
