If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
