Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
