My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
