I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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