My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I looked at my own cervix.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
