i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
