i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
