Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
