If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
