Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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