I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
