i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
