Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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