Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
17 year olds will be the death of me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
