There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
