my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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