I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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