My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
