I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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