Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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