Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
