And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize