summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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