My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
