Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
