Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
