i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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