Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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