No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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