I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
is that a dick in a sweater?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
