ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
