It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
