I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
