He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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