that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
