I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
