I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
