Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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