12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize