I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize