woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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