How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
