I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
two words...techno handjob
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
