I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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