my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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