I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize