Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
