Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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