My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
