it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
