I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
