I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
