when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
