Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
