I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
