guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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