So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
